I can hear the tick of another missed beat and in the silence between beats I anxiously await the next tick like the constant noise of an intermittently dripping faucet, it keeps counting in the silences when I want to be still. When the voice isn’t giving orders, it’s counting. A drill sergeant of a voice that is pushing me forward, marching ahead, keeping time. Since we first met when I was twelve he’s been with me, at me, barking orders. I awake already panic-stricken, afraid I won’t answer the voice correctly, the loud, clear voice that reverberates in my head like an alarm that can’t be turned off. He seizes my logical mind and disables it with fear. He comes into my unconscious to find me, to pull me out. In this remarkable, landmark book, she has given the world a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner, ever more in control of her body and the number of calories she consumed and spent.įrom her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love and marrying Ellen DeGeneres and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women’s health issues. She describes the elaborate rituals around food that came to dominate hours of every day and explores the pivotal moments of her childhood that set her on the road to illness. All the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, putting her life in danger and concealing from herself and everyone around her the seriousness of her illness.

In this groundbreaking memoir, Portia de Rossi reveals the pain and illness that haunted her for decades, from the time she was a twelve-year-old girl working as a model in Australia, through her early rise to fame as a cast member of the hit television show Ally McBeal. In this searing, unflinchingly honest memoir, actress Portia de Rossi shares the truth of her long battle to overcome anorexia and bulimia while living in the public eye, and details the new happiness and health she has found in recent years-including her coming out and her marriage to Ellen DeGeneres.

“An unusually fresh and engrossing memoir of both Hollywood and modern womanhood.” - Los Angeles Times

Portia de rossi book review